can't believe i'll need to use this place twice in a row a day.
how much more can my heart take it sia? lol.

now conclusion, she's back with him and i'm still alone.
as reluctant as i am, i had to let her go.
what can i do as a 3rd party?
the most painful thing, watch her leave.

i can't cry anymore, my tears has long dried up since, well, ya my ex.
i won't either, if its the best for her, by all means.

this pain is very familiar, its like i've been through this before.
yes, when my ex said to break up with me. its the exact same feeling.
wait, there's more, helplessness and fatigue is kicking in too.
i had 4 hours of sleep for 36 hours and i still can't get to bed.

as cheerful as i might seem from the outside now,
all i can say is, if you think i've really cheered up,
think again and think hard.

you were the remedy to my ex.
now you're the poison in my mind.

i really really loved you.
but i've said it once and i'll say it again, if this is the best for you, by all means.

i'm just sad that it ended before it could start.
all these are the thoughts that are randomly popping out in my mind.
i then realised this most significant one thats haunting me since just now.
its a line that goes like this,
"sooner or later, her love for him will cover her liking for you, then you'll be in much deeper shit than you are in right now."
what can i do now?
kindness begets kindness? lick my balls.

this,
is,
not,
what,
i'd,
intended.

my life has been about dilemmas.
now i'm feeling anxious, nervous, sad, happy, frustrated, stressed out etc etc, you name it.

i never realised i'd fall so deep for her.
now i'm helpless.
waiting for a conclusion.
i'm thinking the possibilities, as usual.
if it turns out good, for me, i'll be like OMFGed-happiness.
if it turns out bad, for me, i don't know if i can ever take such a fall again.

what if its bad,
do i still contact her?
after all that she and i had said to each other?
am i still ready to let her confide in?
when i'm so ready to step into her life?

i can't eat, can't sleep, can't get anything done.
this frustration inside me is killing.

how can one have so many different feelings in 3 days?
like, seriously?
how can anyone's heart take such fluctuations?

deep inside, i pray whatever happens tonight will be best for her.

Faber Drive - When I'm With You

Saw you walk in to the room
Thought i'd try to talk to you
Babe, am i ever glad you wanted me to
Its been two years to the day
half the time I've been away
I know I'm not there enough
but that's gonna change
cause I'm coming back
to show you that
I'm keeping the promise that i made

When i'm with you
I'll make every second count
cause i miss you, whenever you're not around
when i kiss you
i still get butterflies
years from now,
I'll make every second count
when I'm with you

yeah we've had our ups and downs
but we've always worked them out
babe am i ever glad we got this far now
still i'm lying here tonight
wishing i was by your side
cause when i'm not there enough
nothing feels right
so i'm coming back to show you that I'll love you the rest of my life

when i'm with you
I'll make every second count
cause i miss you, whenever your not around
when i kiss you
i still get butterflies
years from now
i'll make every second count
when i'm with you
when i'm with you

whatever it takes
im not gonna break the promise i made

when i'm with you
I'll make every second count
cause i miss you

when i'm with you
I'll make every second count
cause i miss you, whenever your not around
when i kiss you
i still get butterflies
years from now
i'll make every second count
when i'm with you
when i'm with you
when i'm with you
when i'm with you

#1. The person that tagged or pass you is
weiling.
#2. Your relationship with him or her?
pengyou.
#3. Your five impression of her?
siao, loud, friendly, kind, LOVABLE.
#4.The most memorable thing he or she had done for you?
alot sia, mostly help me do things i thought people would normally never do cause i'm too lazy.
#5.The most memorable thing he or she had said for you ?
everything! HOHO!
#6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will?
of course. ^^
#7.If he/she becomes your lover, he/she has to improve on?
she is who she is, change for? lol.
#8.If he/she becomes your enemy, you will?
cry.
#9.If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be?
can't think of any. ;D
#10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her.
get her a big stitch at her next birthday.
#11.Your overall impression of him/her?
L O V A B L E .
#12. How you think of other people around you feel about you?
shrugs, badly?
#13.The character you love yourself is?
no idea, sadly.
#14.On the contrary, the way you hate yourself is?
fat.
#15.The most ideal person you want to be is?
fit.
#16.For people who love or care for you, say something to them.
<3.
#17. Pass this quiz to 10 people you can think of, how they feel about you
1 weiling!
2 questina
3 jermaine
4 liang
5 paul
6 monkey
7 vivien
8 irina
9 ben
10 yong
#18. Who is 6 having relationship with?
woo, no idea. LOL.
#19. Is no.9 a male or a female?
male.
#20. If 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
LOL! FUNNY AS HELL!
#21. Whats is no2. studying about?
O levels.
#22.When was the last time you have a chat with no1.?
that day i called her! hahaha!
#23.What kind of music band does no.8 likes?
woah, many?
#24.Does no1. have any siblings?
yup, older and younger sisters.
#25.Will you woo no.3?
probably.
#26.How about no4.?
i'm straight.
#27.Is no7. single?
she says yes, but i think nooo!
#28.Whats the surname of no5.?
lau.
#29.Whats the hobby of no10.?
bball, comp, NBA.
#30.Where is no.2 studying at?
orchid park secondary school.
#31.Talk about something casually about no1.
L O V A B L E !
#32.Where does no6. live?
khatib
#33. What colour does no.4 like?
lol, black. color of his mole!
#34. Are no5. and no1. best friends?
good friend ba.
#35. Does no1. have any pets?
DOG! noisy one at it. ;x
#36. Is no7. the sexiest person in the world?
HAHAH, she'd expect me to say yes, but i wouldn't say sex-iest, but sexy! ;D

thanks to manping and zhengjie, though i don't know who are you at the moment, i'm here!

not bad sia, still got people reading this hahah.
apparently i'm feeling easier now.
i wouldn't say better, but easier is true enough.

lets see, whats going on nowadays.
my school's started, but i have many questions in my mind,
1) are my fees paid?
2) NS deferment
3) am i still in NYP?

power right? i'm going to a school i don't even know if i'm still in.
but ahh well, at least its advancing in life.

nightlife! getting more and more interesting.
first off, YS-one racing!
what do you get when you have a bicycle, a seven storey high spiral carpark with no cars and a bunch of crazy and bored guys?
i present you, night racing down spiral carparks on bicycles, no brakes no legs!
lolol, the thrill is indescribable!
though with great fun comes great risk, most of us are injured there.
jer - serious back injury, a few scars on the hind legs.
eugene - abrasions on elbows, legs and chest, chui-ed toes.
ben - abrasions on the knee.
km - abrasions on both heels and legs.
junrong - popped nail and injured toes.
hahah! but it was worth it, its a good chilling place. pictures speak a thousand words, here goes.


breathtaking? hahha.

next off, past few nights was spent out, most of the time with jermaine, friend from HazardMS.

oh yea, tonight. we did slight le parkour. we climbed to the roof of that carpark. hoho!
jumped down from a storey high height. pain? slight, but fun was to the max!

guess thats all i have to update! OH YEA! one more lovely picture, results of crazy biking. HAHAH.


my leg is adidas brand! ;D

aight, its 1.55am and i'm gna go out now. CYA PEOPLE! KEEP THE TAGS COMING FOR MORE UPDATES! ;p



ps. i can see you're going on with your life well, i'm happy for you, though i can no longer be part of it, i hope in some corner of your heart, there's still me. whats the point, you ask, why should there be an explaination for merely thinking of the person who's dying for you. well, still that phrase, i loved you. <33s.

many a time, i want to show you this blog.
many a time, i want to pick up my phone and call you.
many a time, i want to go over to find you.
everytime i do, i stop.
everytime i do, i smoke.
everytime i do, i go crazy.
everytime i do, i hold back my tears.
cause everytime i do, i tell myself, "you will never come back."

here's a few lines from different songs i so wna tell you but can't.

曾以为你是全世界 , 但那天已经好遥远

我们都没错, 只是不适合

毕竟用尽了力气也未必如愿

谢谢你, 谢谢你, 我尝过爱的好

看到记忆慢下来，过去甜蜜在倒带，
只是感觉已经不在，而我对你的期待，
被你一次次摔坏，已经碎成太多块，
要怎么拼凑跟重来

终于看开，爱回不来

我们面前太多阻碍，你的手却放不开，
宁愿没出息求我别离开。<- i did so.

手放开
我把自己關起來只留下一個陽台
每當天黑推開城門對著夜幕發呆
看著往事　一幕一幕　再次演出你我的愛
我把電視機打開聽著聽著別人的對白
也許那些故事可以給我一個交代
你要的愛　我學不來　
眼睜睜看情變壞　眼睜睜看情感慨
不能給你未來　我還你現在
安靜結束也是另一種對待　當眼淚留下來
傷已超載　分開也是另一種明白
我給你最後的疼愛是手放開
不要一張雙人床中間隔著一片海
感情的污點就留給時間慢慢漂白
把愛收進胸前左邊口袋
最後的疼愛是手放開
不想用言語拉扯所以選擇不責怪
感情就像候車月台　有人走就有人來　
我的心是一個站牌　寫著等待
我把收音機打開聽著別人的失敗
哽咽的聲音彷彿訴說著相同悲哀
你的依賴　還在胸懷　
我無法輕易推開　我無法隨便走開
感情中專心的人容易被傷害

so many many more. okay i shall put last two songs.

谢谢你如此温柔
捧着爱静静等候
我的双手 其实同样在颤抖
但我能给你什么
我只是一个他遗忘的我
心被一扫而空
我会把你种在我心中
也许某天会终于再次长出一个梦

飞轮海:不知道
不明了
不想要
为什么
我的心
明明是想靠近
却孤单到黎明
不知道
不明了
不想要
为什么
我的心
那爱情的绮丽
总是在孤单里
再把我的最好的爱给你

S.H.E:谢谢你如此温柔
点着笑容的灯火
只温暖而不打扰我的寒冬
还没决定往哪走
才所以不能答应你陪我
怕你会变成我
我会把你种在我心中
也许某天会终于再次长出一个梦

飞轮海:不知道
不明了
不想要
为什么
我的心
明明是想靠近
却孤单到黎明
不知道
不明了
不想要
为什么
我的心
那爱情的绮丽
总是在孤单里
再把我的最好的爱给你

飞轮海:不知道
不明了
不想要
为什么
我的心
明明是想靠近
却孤单到黎明
不知道
不明了
不想要
为什么
我的心
那爱情的绮丽
总是在孤单里
再把我的最好的爱给你

S.H.E:谢谢你如此温柔
点着笑容的灯火
只温暖而不打扰我的寒冬
还没决定往哪走
才所以不能答应你陪我
怕你会变成我

lastly, this song is the one i really want you to hear.

你最近還好嗎

挑一張耶誕卡寫上滿滿祝福的話
地址寫的是心底 你能不能收到它
天有點冷 風有點大 城市寧靜而喧嘩
這一個冬天我得一個人走回家
問自己習慣了嗎
沒有你每到夜裏回聲變得好大
有沒有什麽好方法讓寂寞更聽話
(S.H.E) 你最近還好嗎 (好嗎)
是不是也在思念裏掙紮
你說會記得我 還記得嗎
你最近還好嗎 (好嗎)
忙碌嗎累嗎 心還會痛嗎
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快樂出發
有再多的牽掛都已沒有權利表達
(沒有權利表達)
舊情人給的問候比陌生人還尷尬(都還尷尬)
昨天遠了 明天还长
回憶模糊但巨大
這樣的深夜眼淚要怎樣不流下
(要怎樣不流下)
Repeat (S.H.E)
你最近還好嗎 (好嗎)
是不是也在思念裏掙紮
你說會記得我 還記得嗎
(O你還記得嗎)
你最近還好嗎 (好嗎)
忙碌嗎累嗎 心還會痛嗎
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快樂出發

i know things hasn't been going well with you recently,
know that i'm still here..

tell me how to forget you.
when everything around me reminds me of you.
cars, "maybe it'd have worked out if i had one."
bugis, "maybe if i was still on attachment, it'd have worked out."
msn, "maybe you'd pm me someday."
phone, "maybe you'd call me someday."
clothings, "maybe if i had dressed better, it'd have worked out."
even at any girls, "how are you doing?"
a couple, "why didn't we work out?"

damn. who says thoughts can't kill?

http://goldinuniverse.com/ <- sharp as hell.

Name: Jeremy Wee
Date: 8/18/2008
Colorgenics Number: 21345607

---

You are a very sensitive person and you try hard (perhaps a little too hard) to make favourable impressions and to be recognised by your peers. But you have that inherent need to feel appreciated and admired and you are easily hurt if all of your endeavours go by unappreciated or not acknowledged. Stop trying so hard.

You are a true extrovert, frivolous and outgoing. You need to feel in control of any situation. If matters are not proceeding according to plan you tend to get extremely irritable and perhaps become difficult to live with.

Being a very proud individual, you tend to hold yourself aloof pretending that you are stoical - indifferent to pain and pleasure. This is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional individual, one that may make a hasty decision and perhaps regret it at leisure. It is time now to break the bond of detachment and be the 'you' that you would like to be - give vent to your emotions and enjoy yourself.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.

i went to a friend's blog and saw a few quotes.
went on to browse through others online.
found a few that i want to say.

number 1 favourite :
If one day you realize that I haven't talked to you in a while, just remember, you were the one who pushed me away.

number 2 :
Maybe I still do think about you, but it really doesn't matter anymore, it wouldn't change anything.

"I can't believe how fast I lost her."

"I don't hold the key to stop time, I don't hold the key to the books of knowledge, And I most specifically don't hold the key to your heart."

I wasn't ready for you to give up.

I was born the day i met you, lived a while when you loved me and died when we broke apart.

She said she wasn't like every other girl. She said she was different. She cheated on me, she broke my heart, she did everything she said she wouldn't.
What happened? Why am I still here, waiting for her?

It is already painful to break up with someone you loved but even more painful to see them flirting with another person.

Maybe if my heart stops beating the pain will go away.

number 3 :
I sigh with tears in my eyes,
flop myself down onto my bed,
and whisper over and over,
"what did i do wrong?"

It used to bring me great joy & excitement to think about you, but now it brings me great sorrow & worry.


quotes on my friend's blog :

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.

No Guy Is Worth Your Tears & When You Find The One That Is He Won't Make You Cry.

Some Day You'll Cry For Me Like I Cried For You, Some Day You'll Miss Me Like I Missed You, Some Day You'll Need Me Like I Needed You, Some Day You'll Love Me But I Won't Love You.

The day you finally decide to love me will be the day after the day I have given up on chasing you.


Forget the times he walked by, Forget the times he made you cry, Forget the times he spoke your name, Remember now your not the same. Forget the times he held your hand, Forget the sweet things if you can,Forget the times & Don't pretend, Remember now he's just your friend.

ex-posts deleted.

been close to a month now.
hasn't been a day which i've not thought of her lol.
stubborn? shrugs.

back from chalet today.
was fun big time.
still, the nights still made me thought of her.
even for a slight moment, it just happens.

right before i left for chalet, i saw her msn nick.
Sabby ;D a b C d e F g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x Y z.
i remember this crystal clear.
it resembles my previous
-XR-MrRAWR- A B c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r S t u v w x Y z.
shattered my heart totally.
she used my method of showing my love for her, for another guy.
a way to make me forget her?
a way to agitate me?
a way to spite me?
a way to forget me?
i'm too tired to decide anymore.

for that nick, i was able to move slightly on with life.
ever moved on with heartbroken as motivation ?
i'm sure alot of people experience that, i'm just another one.

i'm feelingless now.
not emo.
not sad.
not disappointed.
not upset.
not frustrated.
not happy.
not angry.
feelingless.

whenever i come across things that reminds me of her,
i turn away,
i walk off,
i ignore,
i 'shutdown'.

why?
no idea myself.

but anyway, thanks weiling for inviting me to the chalet.
thanks vivien for trying to cheer me up despite your hectic schedule.
thanks eda for cheering me up.
thanks ben and gene for consoling me that their parents don't condemn me.
thanks yong for accompanying me on countless emo nights.
sorry to ARSON for being bossy/attitude/hurting.

this song that i've changed is for you, bii.
i just can't call you another name anymore.
despite what have happened, my feelings for you have not changed.
if moving on is what you want, i'll do it.
if forgeting you is what you want, i'll do it.
as long as you want it, without lying to yourself, i'll do it.

have a good day people, thanks for reading.